And, one day, I realize that I am but a curious blend...........
Who am I and why am I here? Am I really just a jumble of chemicals working in mind-boggling unison? What is the point of this endless waking up, working and sleeping routine? Am I here to prove some evolutionary theory or is there a deeper meaning to it all? Is my place in this world just a chance event or was it predestined in some way? Am I a part of my own small universe that randomly collides with other similar universes, attracting and repelling on a whim? These are all questions that flit across the mind screen with alarming regularity these days.
I find myself attracted to things that I never thought I would be and being passionate about things and causes that I might have previously just given passing thought to. I am pulled by an invisible cord in directions unexplored. My mind is on fire with myriad thoughts cascading through. Yet, my world is calmer than it has ever been. I am able to see things with a clarity hitherto absent. Controlled madness probably sums up this growth spurt the best.
I find myself being more than just curious about my ancestors. They are suddenly not just names but forces that pull me into worlds unknown. They are missing pieces in the puzzle of my life. I quiz my parents relentlessly about Sita paati, Chandramoulee thatha or athanga paati. I collect stories and tidbits with rabid enthusiasm, stories that I want to share with my children. I feel regret that I did not glean anymore from people who have already passed. Doing rituals like "shrardham" takes on new meaning.
I realize that being rooted to the past thus is strangely comforting. It gives my branches the nourishment and strength to reach out to the sky. Everything in this universe comes from something, be it a song that arises from a musical note, a masterpiece that starts from a brush stroke, or conviction that starts from a small thought. I too, come from a mix of tangibles and intangibles from the past that shape themselves according to the world around me. This is what I will pass on to my children, who will carry the torch forward. It is intensely humbling when I think of myself thus, merely a small link in this chain.
And, one day, I realize that I am but a curious blend of my parents and my children.
Who am I and why am I here? Am I really just a jumble of chemicals working in mind-boggling unison? What is the point of this endless waking up, working and sleeping routine? Am I here to prove some evolutionary theory or is there a deeper meaning to it all? Is my place in this world just a chance event or was it predestined in some way? Am I a part of my own small universe that randomly collides with other similar universes, attracting and repelling on a whim? These are all questions that flit across the mind screen with alarming regularity these days.
I find myself attracted to things that I never thought I would be and being passionate about things and causes that I might have previously just given passing thought to. I am pulled by an invisible cord in directions unexplored. My mind is on fire with myriad thoughts cascading through. Yet, my world is calmer than it has ever been. I am able to see things with a clarity hitherto absent. Controlled madness probably sums up this growth spurt the best.
I find myself being more than just curious about my ancestors. They are suddenly not just names but forces that pull me into worlds unknown. They are missing pieces in the puzzle of my life. I quiz my parents relentlessly about Sita paati, Chandramoulee thatha or athanga paati. I collect stories and tidbits with rabid enthusiasm, stories that I want to share with my children. I feel regret that I did not glean anymore from people who have already passed. Doing rituals like "shrardham" takes on new meaning.
I realize that being rooted to the past thus is strangely comforting. It gives my branches the nourishment and strength to reach out to the sky. Everything in this universe comes from something, be it a song that arises from a musical note, a masterpiece that starts from a brush stroke, or conviction that starts from a small thought. I too, come from a mix of tangibles and intangibles from the past that shape themselves according to the world around me. This is what I will pass on to my children, who will carry the torch forward. It is intensely humbling when I think of myself thus, merely a small link in this chain.
And, one day, I realize that I am but a curious blend of my parents and my children.
hey i am proud u r my daughter. these thoughts arise after reading lots of vedanta. most people get confused after reading those. i am proud u r on the right path to self realisations, but iam no authority on those things but something tells me ihavent done anything to confuse u.
ReplyDeleteamma
Thank you for that heartfelt comment ma :)
Deletepriya, i think most of us pass through this phase. it is probably part of growing up/growing old?.i would like to reassure you that i have gone through... nay still going through this phase still!! I would like to call it" intellectual menopause!" those thoughts,passions must have always existed in your psyche,taking a back seat allowing you to concentrate and execute you parental and domestic obligations!Being rooted to a strong lineage of traditions and culture is reflecting in your understanding and evaluating your thoughts.Every single event one goes through ln life and every single experience leaves an impression on us and yes.... not only you but all are a curious blend of our parents children and myriad others who have touched our lives!
ReplyDeleteExceptionally expressed, as always. Thanks so much for taking the time periamma
DeleteIts true that we are a blend of the numerous individuals, experiences that have directly or indirectly touched our lives. In my opinion life is merely a concoction of experiences. I have been in this path for a long time now.....being rooted tou beliefs, values, culture, religion defines u ad an individual and in avway helps answer those questions that often lead us to deter away from the same. This is a process...and have learnt to cherish. Self realization or not, helps redefine oneself and helps recreate lost identity......specially in this world whete we moms are defaulted to bw superheroes with supernatural powers
ReplyDeleteLove
Nicely put Pras :)
ReplyDelete