Inexpli-cable

The joys of cable television are many. Food channels tell us what to eat, do it yourself channels tell us how to build, design channels tell us how to design, Fox tells us not to like democrats, CNN tells us just the opposite, nature channels tell us that there is life beyond the TV screen (a life that we are unlikely to see outside the TV), fashion channels teach us to distinguish between real and unreal bodies, teen channels show us how our children are going to look and speak like in their tweens and teens (insufferable brats who complain loudly about how lame most things and their parents are), preschool channels train our youngest to watch the tube, so that they have a long attention span only for watching TV and maybe take a leak or two in between (at this rate, how are they going to get potty trained, I ask you?)  and, when we are in our sleep deprived mental dead zone, shopping channels tell us to pick up our wallets and order things that no sane person would buy. Sports channels tell our boys that it is OK to plonk themselves in front of TV for hours on end in smelly boxers, scratch their privates, cheer loudly with profanity, drink plenty of beer (not light beer, because every light beer manufacturer claims that all the others are watered down. So, just to be safe, no light beer) and ogle appreciatively at thin, well-endowed girls with long legs. "Women's" channels teach our girls how to read tripe, how to balance their checkbooks, how to get in touch with one's self (whatever that means), what designers to buy from, what celebrities to gush over, how to unfairly raise expectations about their future mates (who are presently watching aforementioned sports channels), how to get therapy when their boyfriend dumps them, and most importantly, how to cry at the drop of a hat. 

So, we live in homes that we decorate many times over, depending on the current trend. We save to buy cars which depreciate as soon as we leave the dealership. We spend thousands on electronics, which get outdated in a few months. We spend even more on fashion must haves and then pay a home organizer to organize them into a small closet, away from our spouse's eyes. We try out new recipes on our brand new Calphalons, burn the food consistently and then buy new copper pans to hang pristinely on our pot racks. We buy Williams Sonoma bakeware for our see-through glass cabinets and then go out and eat everyday. Following this, we take out expensive gym memberships and be disappointed that we need to actually work-out to reach our fitness goals. Alternatively, we realize much to our surprise that watching toned bodies work out sweatily on TV is not as satisfying as we think and actually makes us reach for that bag of potato chips or that tub of ice cream much faster. We have children because it seems like a good idea at the time or we desperately need the tax break and then stress out when we figure out that they have a mind of their own. We chide our kids for watching too much TV or gaming incessantly and promptly spend the better part of our evenings watching "Jersey Shore", spending hours on Facebook trying to find out what our "friends of friends" are up to or gambling online with 1,034,000 to 1 odds.


Newspapers and magazines proclaim that the sense of well-being is at an all time low but, don't panic dear readers....there is always therapy, Oprah or this guy.........