A few thoughts on the recently concluded Navarathri celebrations. While the celebrations passed with much fanfare and festivity, I couldn't help but suggest some improvements for the next year in the interest of human, err... woman kind.
1. Overhead seatbelts: These have to be legalized at least for anytime when the driver of the car is a lady wearing a saree. At the push of a button (after the lady has seated herself and fussed over the correct positioning of said saree), overhead setbelt will position and gently ease itself over the driver. Safety and style all rolled into one.....no unsightly creases on the freshly ironed/dry-cleaned saree.
2. Temporary deperiodizing granola bar (nod to Krish Ashok for inspiration): To be eaten especially at the onset of Navarathri and whenever the threat of period looms during the ten days. Lets face it, if you miss someone's home for tamboolam because of this pesky little irritant, its a logistical nightmare trying to reschedule.
3. Instant digestion/energy booster drink: To be had when all the sundal and sweet, so lovingly prepared, does a number on your stomach and you start feeling sluggish. This will give you the power to digest granite (don't laugh, didn't you eat that sweet at ......'s house?) and fill you up with energy required to collect tamboolam from at least 25 homes without breaking sweat.
4. Auto tuner bluetooth: This is a must-have for all people who are not tone-deaf and will help tune the earnest singers who insist on singing every Navarathri. This will make them sound like Ranjani-Gayatri or Bombay Jayashree to your ears, thereby eliciting very sincere applause.
5. Invisible memory modifier button: This will help erase any memory of the inevitable social gaffes made when you meet people once a year. Examples being: "When is the due date?" (When the lady in question has sadly added some pounds to her girth, but is definitely not pregnant), "Wonderful costume jewelry!' (when the lady is wearing a diamond necklace lovingly gifted by hubby dearest), "Is this your daughter? You look like sisters" (Now, this comment, while being a compliment to the mom is most certainly NOT to a 12-year old. When you factor that she might become a doctor (an OBGYN to boot) AND that you might have to go to her one day due to peer pressure, the comment suddenly does not sound so cute. Cardiologist, dentist....the options become progressively scary). The button will help by modifying all memories within ear-shot, making everyone mildly confused for a short period of time. A very useful tool even post navarathri.
6. Time turner: This nifty little thing (helps turn back time so more homes can be visited) was invented by J.K Rowling and is god-send for people who are trying to collect tamboolam from roughly a thousand homes in the short period of ten days. These tamboolam junkies have an almost rabid desire to collect tamboolam from as many home as is inhumanly possible. I think that they belong to a secret club that meets before navarathri to set a target number of homes. Then, they meet after navarathri to discuss their achieved targets over, you guessed it, sundal and left-over badangeer.
Until next year..........
3. Instant digestion/energy booster drink: To be had when all the sundal and sweet, so lovingly prepared, does a number on your stomach and you start feeling sluggish. This will give you the power to digest granite (don't laugh, didn't you eat that sweet at ......'s house?) and fill you up with energy required to collect tamboolam from at least 25 homes without breaking sweat.
4. Auto tuner bluetooth: This is a must-have for all people who are not tone-deaf and will help tune the earnest singers who insist on singing every Navarathri. This will make them sound like Ranjani-Gayatri or Bombay Jayashree to your ears, thereby eliciting very sincere applause.
5. Invisible memory modifier button: This will help erase any memory of the inevitable social gaffes made when you meet people once a year. Examples being: "When is the due date?" (When the lady in question has sadly added some pounds to her girth, but is definitely not pregnant), "Wonderful costume jewelry!' (when the lady is wearing a diamond necklace lovingly gifted by hubby dearest), "Is this your daughter? You look like sisters" (Now, this comment, while being a compliment to the mom is most certainly NOT to a 12-year old. When you factor that she might become a doctor (an OBGYN to boot) AND that you might have to go to her one day due to peer pressure, the comment suddenly does not sound so cute. Cardiologist, dentist....the options become progressively scary). The button will help by modifying all memories within ear-shot, making everyone mildly confused for a short period of time. A very useful tool even post navarathri.
6. Time turner: This nifty little thing (helps turn back time so more homes can be visited) was invented by J.K Rowling and is god-send for people who are trying to collect tamboolam from roughly a thousand homes in the short period of ten days. These tamboolam junkies have an almost rabid desire to collect tamboolam from as many home as is inhumanly possible. I think that they belong to a secret club that meets before navarathri to set a target number of homes. Then, they meet after navarathri to discuss their achieved targets over, you guessed it, sundal and left-over badangeer.
Until next year..........
